cheater cheater pumpkin eater

i cheated.

i don't mean the fact that i haven't written a blog in over 10 days and part of my new years resolution goal was to write at least once a week. that is not what i mean at all. however, i guess if you get right down to it i cheated TIMES TWO.

not only have i not written a blog in over 10 days, i also had this to eat for dinner the other night:

now i know what you must be thinking, because i too am thinking it. what the heck? seriously. what the heck?! i chose to slip up and i chose kraft boxed mac n cheese? of all the delicious dairy goodness in the world i chose rehydrated macaroni noodles and powdered cheese? the world is full of ice cream and cheesecake and pizza and extra sharp cheddar cheese and i picked this.

part of the reason being, when i "cheated" it was kind of a half cheat. yes, the processed cheese powder does have some trace amounts of the ingredients you'd find in actual cheese or milk, but i figure they're so small they don't even warrant mentioning.

Ingredients: ENRICHED MACARONI PRODUCT (WHEAT FLOUR, NIACIN, FERROUS SULFATE [IRON], THIAMINE MONONITRATE [VITAMIN B1], RIBOFLAVIN [VITAMIN B2], FOLIC ACID), CHEESE SAUCE MIX (WHEY, MILKFAT, MILK PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, SALT, SODIUM TRIPOLYPHOSPHATE, CONTAINS LESS THAN 2% OF CITRIC ACID, LACTIC ACID, SODIUM PHOSPHATE, CALCIUM PHOSPHATE, MILK, YELLOW 5, YELLOW 6, ENZYMES, CHEESE CULTURE).

so as you can see it's really just a conglomeration of delicious chemicals and coloring, and by no means a real dairy product. also i made my mac n cheese with almond milk, because i don't buy cow's milk for obvious reasons, and all in all it was exactly what i wanted. yellowy chemically goodness.

the other part of the reason being my financial situation. i haven't written a lot about my job in here, because i haven't written a lot about anything in here, but i serve as an americorps vista. one of the downfalls of service is poverty level wages, which i will get into later. the organization i work for is wonderful though and got me a super christmas present which was a giant land's end bag filled with all kinds of necessities like toilet paper, paper towels, peanut butter, and... kraft mac n cheese.

so needless to say there may be future cheating. i received 3 boxes in total, the other 2 i will keep hidden away for times when my grocery supplies are so low i can't help but whip this stuff together, or for special times of the month when only junk foods will hit the spot.

except for this, and a few instances where i have had butter on toast, i've been doing really well. i've managed to eat out at both mexican and italian restaurants, which were always the most difficult for me, and i've made it known to pretty much everyone in the world that dairy is now officially out and so i now have free reign to veto any and all restaurants making me the queen of picky eating. just kidding of course. not about the queen of picky eating though.

i've found that restaurants are pretty chill about leaving cheese off of things, however i do get strange looks. "what? you don't want any cheese? maybe you mean extra cheese? this is america, i don't get it!" etc.

maybe next time i blog i won't write about food and hopefully next time i blog won't be 10+ days from now.

happy eating to all of you, lactose challenged and not,
felicia

whatcha wanna know?

this is my all about me post. while most of what i write will be focusing on chronicling my adventures in the world of soy cheese, not everything in my life revolves around being lactose intolerant. just like not everything in my life revolves around being a brunette. if i'd wanted to be super generic with this blog i guess i could have called it something like "busty brunette" which would also be truth. but here we go.

1. my name is felicia, which was ranked the 90th most popular name the year i was born, and coincidentally is the highest it has ever been ranked.

2. i am 23 years old, as seen in the side bar.

3. my job is kind of complicated but it basically boils down to design and marketing stuff for a nonprofit, which uses both my major and minor from college.

4. i live in colorado, which i hate. people think it's beautiful here, which it can be, but that's where the redeeming qualities end. the politics are terrible, the people drive like assholes, i freaking HATE snow and ice and scraping the car and wearing a hundred layers and driving with my coat on.

5. my boyfriend is from vermont and refuses to listen when i complain about anything weather related.

6. not only am i lactose intolerant, i have a condition called gastroparesis which really could use a whole blog, or blog series all to its own.

7. although i love my job, it's not what i want to do forever. it's taken me a year post graduation to realize that what i really want to do is become an art and reading teacher for middle schoolers. i've also had reading issues throughout my life which could become a blog in itself as well.

8. although i can't afford it i am the pickiest eater you have probably ever met, and go through various stages of vegetarianism all the time. before current boyfriend i was doing well on the no poultry track, but since he has been in the picture chicken has started to work its way back into my meals.

9. boyfriend was a vegetarian for eleven years, and even has a tattoo dedicated to it, but this summer he gave up. this is not about me.

10. i am really bad at making about me lists and curiously throw in facts about other people.

11. i really like to cook, but most of the time when i get off work i am so tired and unmotivated i end up eating peanut butter or if i'm really feeling ambitious, spaghetti. this week has been exceptionally bad and boyfriend and i have eaten out twice already. bad news.

12. i also like to bake. if it was up to me i'd spend my days baking and crocheting with my doggy.

13. i don't have a doggy. but i do have a cat who lives at boyfriend's house. someday i would like to have a little dog.

14. i love all animals and would have a hundred pets if it was possible.

15. i live in a cute little house with a weird roommate i didn't know beforehand. it works out because she lives downstairs and i live upstairs and she has night classes and i work during the day. sometimes i go days at a time without even seeing her.

this is not a very in depth list, but it's good for now. here i am, here are the basics, here we go!

xoxo
felicia

it's gotta be dairy free, dude

i keep making blogs and never writing them and then deleting them because they are no longer relevant to my life at the moment. that's the problem with making a space to write in based on a variable concept. basing it around a relationship and having the relationship ends leaves you with a great chronicle of a great time that is no longer great and the urge to reach for the delete button overwhelms.

some things however, never change. for me, one of those things is my lactose intolerance. it's not a huge deal, hardly something interesting enough to base a blog around, but it's become a challenge in my life and i'm not one to turn down a challenge.

backstory: i've probably been lactose intolerant my whole life. i've had a slew of stomach problems brought on by various causes, but i wasn't diagnosed as being a dairy free damsel until about 2.5 years ago. after many MANY years of refusing to believe it was possible my stomach wanted me to live in a world devoid of cheese and ice cream i gave in. and promptly gave up. okay, so that's what the problem is. now i know and i will continue to eat enchiladas and sundaes to my heart's content.

after awhile, a little bit of maturing i think on my part, and after reading the book skinny bitch and learning about all the junk that is put into our foods, i decided to completely cut everything but fish and eggs out of my diet. i did well for a little while, but cheese slowly began to sneak its way back into my meals, even though of all things, it's what i should have been cutting out completely.

i tried just having small amounts per day, and not even every day. i didn't have a real system to it, mostly just try not to eat a block of cheese for dinner. i didn't feel amazing, and sometimes it was easy to overdo it (have you ever had queso? yeah don't even get me started). i tried the lactaid pills in the beginning of my diagnosis but they didn't work. after reading online probably about a year ago that you have to take much more than the prescribed dose i did okay. taking 6 or 8 or 12 pills before i had a burrito? no problem.

upon meeting my current boyfriend, and him discovering my lactaid habit, he expressed concern for my liver. really, as a post college grad his questioning some lactaid pills and my liver really seemed silly, but i decided i'd try and cut back. they really weren't doing that much for me by this time anyway. is it possible to develop a tolerance for these kinds of things? i don't even really know.

and that brings us up to speed with what is going on today. it is now 2010, and soon i will have been a diagnosed lactose intolerant for three years, and a suspected lactose intolerant for 23 years. it's time to buck up and be real here. i'm never going to be able to have real mac n cheese and not feel like absolute shit. it doesn't matter how many lactaid pills i take, my skin is still going to freak out, my body is still going to act like i got hit by a truck, and while my stomach might feel kind of okay, it still won't feel 100% normal.

so the resolution begins. 2010: the year i go completely dairy free. it's january 5th now. i planned to start this on the first, but of course life went and got in the way, but so far i have done well. 5 days down, 360 to go, and at the end of all of this i know i will not even want to eat ice cream, i will be more creative in my eating endeavors, and i will feel better than i probably have ever felt.

here's to the new year!

felicia