it's gotta be dairy free, dude

i keep making blogs and never writing them and then deleting them because they are no longer relevant to my life at the moment. that's the problem with making a space to write in based on a variable concept. basing it around a relationship and having the relationship ends leaves you with a great chronicle of a great time that is no longer great and the urge to reach for the delete button overwhelms.

some things however, never change. for me, one of those things is my lactose intolerance. it's not a huge deal, hardly something interesting enough to base a blog around, but it's become a challenge in my life and i'm not one to turn down a challenge.

backstory: i've probably been lactose intolerant my whole life. i've had a slew of stomach problems brought on by various causes, but i wasn't diagnosed as being a dairy free damsel until about 2.5 years ago. after many MANY years of refusing to believe it was possible my stomach wanted me to live in a world devoid of cheese and ice cream i gave in. and promptly gave up. okay, so that's what the problem is. now i know and i will continue to eat enchiladas and sundaes to my heart's content.

after awhile, a little bit of maturing i think on my part, and after reading the book skinny bitch and learning about all the junk that is put into our foods, i decided to completely cut everything but fish and eggs out of my diet. i did well for a little while, but cheese slowly began to sneak its way back into my meals, even though of all things, it's what i should have been cutting out completely.

i tried just having small amounts per day, and not even every day. i didn't have a real system to it, mostly just try not to eat a block of cheese for dinner. i didn't feel amazing, and sometimes it was easy to overdo it (have you ever had queso? yeah don't even get me started). i tried the lactaid pills in the beginning of my diagnosis but they didn't work. after reading online probably about a year ago that you have to take much more than the prescribed dose i did okay. taking 6 or 8 or 12 pills before i had a burrito? no problem.

upon meeting my current boyfriend, and him discovering my lactaid habit, he expressed concern for my liver. really, as a post college grad his questioning some lactaid pills and my liver really seemed silly, but i decided i'd try and cut back. they really weren't doing that much for me by this time anyway. is it possible to develop a tolerance for these kinds of things? i don't even really know.

and that brings us up to speed with what is going on today. it is now 2010, and soon i will have been a diagnosed lactose intolerant for three years, and a suspected lactose intolerant for 23 years. it's time to buck up and be real here. i'm never going to be able to have real mac n cheese and not feel like absolute shit. it doesn't matter how many lactaid pills i take, my skin is still going to freak out, my body is still going to act like i got hit by a truck, and while my stomach might feel kind of okay, it still won't feel 100% normal.

so the resolution begins. 2010: the year i go completely dairy free. it's january 5th now. i planned to start this on the first, but of course life went and got in the way, but so far i have done well. 5 days down, 360 to go, and at the end of all of this i know i will not even want to eat ice cream, i will be more creative in my eating endeavors, and i will feel better than i probably have ever felt.

here's to the new year!

felicia